Blissey, Mawile, Victini, and the Rainbow Poptart
by Muffinypowers
Summary: Blissey, Mawile, and Victini are on a ship, looking for something to do. When they encounter a mystical object, who gets the biggest piece? Crackfic made from my boredom.


(A/N: I'm sick of writing romance, so have my favorite Pokémon and a poptart. Translation to 'I'm sick of writing romance': Guess what genre my next story is going to be. Anyway, enjoy the poptart-y goodness!)

* * *

"Oi! Blissey, Jaws!" Victini babbled loudly.

"My name is Mawile!" Mawile yelled, annoyed as all hell at the Victory Pokémon. Honestly, why she had agreed to travel with an overly bubbly legendary and a stupid weaboo of a Blissey, she had no idea.

"Blissey, Jawile!" Victini yelled in a half-hearted attempt at a correction.

"Dangit, Victini!" Mawile slammed her hands down onto the wood of the ship that they had tortured a Leafeon into making- uh, given a Leafeon a free Amulet Coin to make for them. "Look, just because I have this extra mouth-"

"We found laaaand, Jawile!"

"I am not even going to comment on this Tauros-khrp anymore," Mawile-not-Jawile muttered angrily.

"What's that cave, chu~?" For once, Blissey's question was actually useful. However, the random 'chu' was not.

"I have no. Fluffing. Idea." Mawile flopped down with her back against the mast. She flipped her jaw into the wood by accident. "Whoops."

The boat hit the conveniently placed dock rather harshly, making Mawile slip from the mast and slam into Blissey. Blissey frowned for a second before returning to her usual smile, and walked off the boat. Victini grabbed Mawile by the jaws and dragged her onto the island, managing to keep her jaws shut before it got bitten. The three walked into the cave (Or, in Mawile's case, got dragged into it). Inside sat a beautiful, sparkling object. It was flat, and about 3/10ths of an inch tall. It was a gorgeous shade of beige, and a corner was broken off. From the corner dripped seemingly never-ending strawberry liquid. The front had rainbow colored frosting.

It was... a POPTART!

Victini pulled out a pocket knife and sliced it into 3 pieces: 2 small, one larger.

"And since I was the one who cut it, I get the big one!" it proclaimed.

"But I'm the one who steered it, Victini-chan~! Nya, shouldn't I get it?" Blissey asked.

"Shut up, both of you. I'm the one who did Absol-lutely nothing, so I should get the big one!" Mawile snapped (pun unintended).

"So? That means nothing, baka~!" Blissey said, seemingly trying to be egging Mawile on (pun intended). Suddenly, Mawile's item activated. She grew a second jaw, and got a foot taller. She was now... Mega Mawile!

"Heyyyy! Victini-chan, look~!" Blissey cheered.

"Ooh! She's all scary, now!" Victini said. "Scary Jawile is way cooler than normal Jawile!"

"Quit callin' me scary!"

"But you are scary, Mawile-oneesan~!"

"Quit callin' me Jawile, then!" Mawile snapped, punching Victini.

"Owwy! You're so mean, scary Jawile!" Victini complained, shooting bright fire at its target.

"A brawl for the poptart-ne?" Blissey said, intrigued. "Blissey will join in, for poptart-sempai~!" She poisoned Victini with her Toxic attack, and Victini burnt her back with a Flamethrower. Mawile attacked Blissey with a Play Rough. "Owwy-ne~!"

"Well, you deserved it!" Mawile yelled back. She punched Victini once again, causing the Victory Pokémon to faint. Blissey tried to poison Mawile, but to no avail, and Mawile used Swords Dance.

Which meant she danced.

With a sword.

*Awesome intensifies*

"Scary Mawile-oneesan, can't we just cut the big piece in half and each get 2 pieces-ne?" Blissey asked, eating her own egg to heal. It instantly regenerated.

"Heck no! We won't leave our friend in the dust! And hey, quit callin' me scary!"

"Gomenasai, scary Mawile-oneesan..." Blissey apologized. Mawile danced with a sword again, and Blissey threw Mawile on the ground.

"Oi! That hurt!" Mawile said, dancing again. Blissey threw Mawile on the ground like she was a cell phone. "And quit callin' me scary!" Mawile attacked Blissey by using Play Rough, but Blissey simply would not faint.

"How much HP do you have?!" Mawile complained. She then started to dance again. Blissey ate her own egg a second time. "How the heck did you even do that?" Blissey shrugged, trying her hardest to be adorable, and shot a healing pulse at Victini.

"What the frick is wrong with you?!"

"What happened? Blissey? Scary Jawile?" Victini groaned. Mawile clenched her fist at being called 'scary Jawile' again, but didn't comment. Instead, she hit Victini again, and she almost fainted. Blissey noticed this, and laid on the ground dramatically like she was in some anime. Then again, this was Blissey, so she probably thought she was.

"Pass on my Healing Wish... gomenasai..." she said, sobbing. "Ah... it doesn't hurt anymore..."

"It never did!" Mawile snapped.

Blissey then fainted, which healed Victini completely.

"All right!" Victini yelled, attacking Mawile with its Psychic. It hardly hurt her, and she dove for the large piece.

"I have three mouths! I deserve it!" Mawile shouted, eating some of it. Then, she sneezed.

"Normally, I would take that. But I'm not that mean, and I don't wanna be sick like you, scary Jawile!" Victini said. It passed Blissey a Revive and a Hyper Potion.

"Nya~! I'm OK-ne~!" Blissey grinned widely. She sipped the Hyper Potion, which didn't even come close to healing her massive HP count.

Then, they all ate the poptart and everyone was happy. But then, a human appeared! It started yelling at them.

"Human! Human hu-human hu! Man hu uman human!" It continued yelling in its high-pitched voice. The Pokémon recognized their names, and a few swear words that their old Trainer had said when he lost a battle.

"Yeah, whatever, I don't care," Mawile said. She slammed it with her head, making it run away.

For the rest of the day, they ate the poptart, ignoring the fact that it was magic and could grant wishes. Whatever, though, the only thing they wished for was more HP. HP actually made for a very nice, polite, and thoughtful gift, and many Pokémon had it on their wish lists on Pokézon.

The rainbow poptart of amazingness fainted, because death apparently doesn't exist, and the half-sisters and conveniently placed legendary left the island with full bellies.


End file.
